


after the raven has had its say

by immolationfox



Series: king and court [2]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Autistic Character(s), Autistic Richard Gansey III, Autistic Ronan Lynch, Canonical Character Death, Canonical character un-death, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hugs, M/M, Meltdown, Mental Breakdown, Missing Scene, POV Ronan Lynch, Post-The Raven King, Protective Ronan Lynch, Referenced Self-Harm (Past), Richard Gansey III And Ronan Lynch's Friendship, Ronan Lynch & Richard Gansey III Centric, Ronan Lynch Being Ronan Lynch, Ronan Lynch Being an Asshole, Semi-Verbal Character(s), Swearing, autisic gansey, autistic ronan, idk what else to tag specifically but like it gets kinda. dark i guess idk, ronan and gansey's relationship KILLS THE MAN, ronan really going thru it today
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28975203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immolationfox/pseuds/immolationfox
Summary: Blue touched Gansey’s faced. She whispered, “Wake up.”....“You’re alive,” Adam said. Ronan didn’t know what time it was or what day it was, only that the world was purple and blue now, foggy and chilly enough that Ronan knew they would all be shivering soon. They were all still talking. He was going to hit something. He needed to put his fist through the wall. Something. Anything. Gansey was alive. What did that even mean now? Cabewater had given itself up for Gansey because he’d asked. There wasn’t a way he was getting out of this without losing something.
Relationships: Adam Parrish & Blue Sargent, Adam Parrish & Orphan Girl | Opal, Henry Cheng & Richard Gansey III & Ronan Lynch & Adam Parrish & Blue Sargent, Richard Gansey III & Ronan Lynch, Ronan Lynch & Adam Parrish & Orphan Girl | Opal, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Series: king and court [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1628434
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	after the raven has had its say

**Author's Note:**

> i started this bc i was >:/ i hadn't seen any like. ronan & gansey centric fics post ganseys resurrection. so i wrote it. now here we are. anyway you really think ronan lets him out of his sight? lmfao okay

Blue touched Gansey’s faced. She whispered, “Wake up.”

The whole world held its breath, waiting for Gansey to take his first breath for a second time. His chest began the regular rise and fall as Ronan bolted upright, finally free to move again. He scrambled on his hands and knees across the scraggly grass of the side of the road, reaching for Gansey’s shoulders but stopping just short of touching him. He needed to see him awake - _ if this didn’t work _ \- if Gansey didn’t wake up, Ronan wouldn’t be long in following him. 

Gansey opened his eyes. 

Blue’s hands flew to cover her mouth as she gasped his name and sounds of relief and disbelief came from Adam and Henry’s direction. Ronan could only stare at his best friend, dead and now alive, staring back at him. One of Gansey’s hands came up, shaking, and touched Ronan’s wrist. He was alive. Gansey was alive. 

Gansey cleared his throat and then opened his mouth to speak.

“Help me sit up,” he said hoarsely. Blue took his hands and Ronan put an arm around his shoulders to help him up. Adam and Henry had drawn closer by now and Adam held Orphan Girl tightly. Briefly, their eyes met and then Ronan looked at Orphan Girl, who was staring at him with big dark eyes. She mouthed his name and held out one arm. Ronan beckoned, because he was not leaving Gansey’s side, so Adam bent over to put her down, and the psychopomp slunk over to him, curling into his side. He felt her small hand fist into his grimy t-shirt as Adam knelt by Ronan in front of Gansey and reached to touch his arm.

“You’re alive,” Adam said. Ronan didn’t know what time it was or what day it was, only that the world was purple and blue now, foggy and chilly enough that Ronan knew they would all be shivering soon. They were all still talking. He was going to hit something. He needed to put his fist through the wall. Something. Anything. Gansey was alive. What did that even mean now? Cabewater had given itself up for Gansey because he’d asked. There wasn’t a way he was getting out of this without losing something.

“Stupid,” Ronan snarled, suddenly, startling everyone, except maybe Gansey, because Ronan still had a hold on him and he hadn’t even twitched. He finally looked at Gansey again, perfect veneer totally ruined by now with dirt and leaves and black goop. Ronan had forgotten about the goop. It was still clinging to his face, thick and sticky and heavy, streaked with tear tracks. He hoped he looked terrifying. “Why?” he demanded. “Why the absolute fuck would you think it’s okay to die. You don’t get to die, Gansey, and you don’t get to die for me! You dumbass, you’re so fucking stupid,” he snarled again, and then lunged, yanking Gansey into a clumsy hug. 

It was like everything restarted then, truly. Everyone was yelling at him to be careful, to stop, except for Gansey. He just put his arms around Ronan without hesitating, too tight and on the verge of uncomfortable, but Ronan’s shoulders were shaking. He was shaking and gasping great shuddering breaths as he cried into Gansey's shirt. It was too much. It was too much all at once and he didn't know what to do except cling to Gansey because he was the only thing that kept him steady. 

Someone touched his shoulder and Ronan jerked, arm swinging wildly to knock whoever it was away. Someone was calling his name but he didn't listen until he heard Gansey in his ear, quietly, say,

"Ronan, it's okay."

He forced himself to stop, to go still. Gansey smoothed his hands across Ronan's shoulders. Slid his hands down his arms until they rested at Ronan's elbows and then leaned back. Ronan let him, but did not move his hands from where they held onto Gansey's shoulders tightly. He looked at Gansey and tried to tell if there was something different about him. If Cabeswater had done more than just bring him back to life. Would Gansey still command the ley line? Any of his dream things? Cabeswater was his dreams and his dreams was Cabeswater but now Cabeswater was gone and that left too many questions unanswered that he wasn't sure he wanted to ask. How much of Gansey was Gansey and how much of him was the Gansey Ronan had in his head? Had he changed Gansey? No one dies and comes back the same.

"Ronan," Gansey said firmly. "Listen to me."

Ronan listened.

"You need to stop thinking in circles. You'll only freak out again."

Ronan looked at him again, from the corner of his eyes. Gansey looked back at him. He heard Adam, Henry, Blue, and the dream girl moving around quietly behind him. They did not come near. Ronan opened his mouth.

"We really should head back," Blue said quietly. Ronan whipped his head around to stare her down, his grip on Gansey tightening without realizing. He narrowed his eyes as Gansey touched the back of Ronan's hand and said to Blue,

"You're right. I'm sure everyone is worried."

Gansey made to stand. Blue made to help him. Ronan bared his teeth at her.

"He's not leaving me. I don't trust any of you with him," he growled. Blue made a face like she'd been slapped - shocked, indignant, pissed. Ronan didn't care. Gansey wouldn't have died if she hadn't kissed him. 

"Listen here," Blue began, taking a step forward, but didn't get any further in her inevitable tirade.

"Stop it, both of you," Gansey interrupted wearily. Blue snapped her mouth shut. Ronan glared. "Ronan, help me up."

For once, Ronan did as he was told, and helped Gansey to his feet. He didn't let go of him as Gansey started walking toward the BMW. They were intercepted by Adam, holding up his hands like surrender in front of his chest. Something Ronan's chest raged at the comparison, and at the rope burn around his wrists, the scratches on his face. Something seized. He was going to smash his head against the wall if only he could sort his feelings into "anger" and "nothing" again. 

"You can't really expect to drive, Ronan," Adam said. He started to continue but Ronan cut him off.

"Parrish," Ronan began, a hint of a snarl beginning to form as he raised his hand to point at  _ something,  _ but Adam caught his wrist tightly and held his arm between them. The touch stilled Ronan and shut him up in the same moment. Adam looked at him. And then he said,

"You are not driving and neither is Gansey." His voice was quiet and he loosened his grip slightly. He swallowed before continuing, even softer. "I'm not losing both of you again, and not to a car wreck."

Ronan waited a beat, waited until he processed the words, took a breath.

"You-"

"I'm not driving either," Adam interrupted gently. He dropped their joined hands, sliding his hand down so he could tangle their fingers together briefly. "Blue is driving and Henry is driving. Who do you want?"

Ronan glared over his shoulder at Henry and Blue talking quietly to each other by Henry's car. Gansey's grip on his shirt tightened as the movement off-balanced him. Ronan adjusted his arm slightly so Ganseu was steady again.

"Better give me the maggot."

Adam didn't berate him for calling Blue "maggot." Neither did Gansey.

"And where do you want her?" Adam asked next, gesturing to Orphan Girl. "With you or- or me?"

Ronan looked at Adam. He wanted to touch him. He wanted to wrap his arms around him and hold him close and never let something so terrible as getting possessed happen to him ever again. He wanted to say he was sorry for even thinking about fighting back. He did none of those things. 

"She can stay with you, if she wants," Ronan conceded, shaking free of Adam's hand. Adam nodded.

"Okay. Okay." He looked at Gansey. "Monmouth?"

Gansey seemed to grapple with words before he spoke.

"Yes, I suppose. I should- call my family," he said next, almost to himself. 

"Get in the car first," Ronan said, nudging him to get walking again. He deposited Gansey in the backseat of the BMW, waited until he buckled, and then passed him his phone. "It should work."

He stomped around to the other side of the car, or at least meant to, but Blue was coming around to the drivers side and neither made to move out of the way, so they both stopped. Blue was more than a foot shorter than him. Why did she glare at him like she thought she could take him in a fight? Blue glanced at Gansey through the windshield. He was on the phone, staring out his window and not looking at them at all. Blue looked back at Ronan and opened her mouth, but Ronan cut her off.

"He was mine before he was yours," he snapped. "Get over it."

Blue pressed her lips together very tightly.

“You’re such an asshole,” she hissed, shoving past him. She climbed in the car and slammed the door. Ronan climbed into the back seat with Gansey, and he slammed the door. Blue started the car but before she could put it in drive, Ronan opened the door again, and slammed it. Blue twisted in the seat to glare at him. Ronan aimed one finger at her.

“Be careful with my car.”

Blue glared at him, furious, and flipped him off before throwing the car into drive and following Henry. She wouldn’t risk Gansey’s safety, though, no matter how pissed - rightfully or not - she was at Ronan. Ronan and Blue went at each other’s throats or they were the best of friends and those were the only two options. Ronan didn’t like to think that they had “a lot in common.” He just knew that they both cared about Gansey and right now that was the only thing that mattered.

“Yes,” Gansey said into his phone. “Yes, I love you too. See you soon. Yes. Yes. Goodbye.”

He hung up. He did not say anything Gansey pressed his face into Ronan's shoulder with a shaky sigh. Ronan sat very still and let Gansey lean on him.

"Ronan," he said, "dying a second time was even less fun than the first."

Ronan's chest seized.

"Ronan," Gansey said again, "what did you do?"

Ronan didn't know if he could say it. If he could admit the words out loud. But Gansey had asked. So he told him.

"Cabeswater. It- gave itself for you."

“Jesus,” Gansey said mildly. His nonreaction was more reassuring than it should have been. He sighed. “I’m so sorry, Ronan, I didn’t know this would happen- I never meant for this to-”

“Gansey,” Ronan said, a warning. Gansey took a breath and opened his mouth. "I didn't ask you to die for me," Ronan hissed. Gansey released the breath. Nobody said anything.

“I couldn’t just let you die,” Gansey said quietly. Ronan did not respond. He did not want to argue with Gansey so soon. 

The ride back to Monmouth was a blur. Ronan hauled Gansey out of the BMW, much more gently than he would have otherwise. Blue dashed ahead to unlock the door. Henry leaned against the wall by the door, Robobee cupped in one hand. Adam stood nearby, holding Orphan Girl on his shoulder. She was asleep, completely wiped out. One furry leg kicked once and then stilled. Ronan tightened his grip on Gansey.

“Once we get settled,” Gansey Gansey-ed, “I am going to shower because I am absolutely filthy, and then I’m going to sleep for a week.” He was out of breath when the reached the second level and glanced at Ronan. “This whole ordeal was much more tiring than I thought it’d be,” he joked weakly. Ronan gave him a withering stare in response. Gansey cleared his throat. He pointed. “Are we going in, or are we staying out?”

Ronan shoved the door open.

Monmouth was exactly the same as it should be, and this disturbed Ronan more than he expected. In fact, Henrietta as a whole was exactly the same as it had been and Ronan did not like that at all. Gansey had died. Gansey had died and then he was alive again and there was a monumental shift in Ronan’s core. Shouldn’t the whole world reflect that? Nothing would be the same, yet everything remained as it had been. 

Ronan pried his own fingers off of Gansey. He put his fist into the wall and swore loudly at the hot flash of pain. They were all yelling his name again. Ronan whirled, almost running into Adam, who stayed steady by his side as Ronan aimed one shaking finger at Gansey, who finally looked startled, finally out of his shocked state.

“Take your shower,” he snarled, instead of anything else. Adam closed his fingers around Ronan’s wrist. Gansey nodded, hesitantly, then lined up his trajectory for his room. Blue trailed behind him. Something angry and violent thrashed in his chest. He wanted to stop her from following. Adam squeezed his wrist as if he knew what he was thinking. 

“Ronan,” Adam said quietly.

“What do you want, Parrish?” Ronan said, unable to curb the snarl just yet. Adam still held Orphan Girl, propped on his hip. His arm was beginning to tremor.

“Help me put her down.”

They left Henry hovering just inside the doorway as Ronan let Adam into his room for the very first time. To his credit, Adam did not note the mess of the floor, or the tangle of dark sheets on the bed, or the singular flower that did not exist in a beer bottle full of dirt, or that the flower that did not exist was an ever changing kaleidoscope of blue. It was the only thing that didn’t scream of depression or self-hate. It was the only thing of worth in the whole room. 

“You didn’t need my help,” Ronan said. He crossed his arms over his chest as Adam carefully laid Orphan Girl in a heap in the middle of the nest of blankets. Adam didn’t respond until he had finished tucking her in. He stood fully and faced Ronan.

“You needed a break, though,” he said. He didn’t step nearer, though Ronan thought he wanted to. Ronan knew that he wanted to be closer. He heaved a sigh. He didn’t know what time it was. He was so tired. He was never going to sleep again. Ronan made up his mind. 

He crossed the space between them in two long strides and gathered Adam to his chest. Adam slid his arms around Ronan’s waist. They both took a deep breath.

“...I’m sorry,” Adam mumbled. Ronan tensed. “No, wait-”

Ronan didn’t wait. He drew back just far enough that he could look Adam in the face.

“That was not you,” he said fiercely. “I don’t care. I don’t- you, Adam Parrish, Magician, holy and beautiful - that  _ was not you.  _ It was a fucking demon. A fucking demon that you fought off entirely on your own, by the way, don’t think I fucking missed that.” Ronan cradled Adam’s face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together. “There’s nothing to forgive, you dumb fuck.”

Adam laughed, but it sounded like a sob. He curled his arms tighter and pressed his face into Ronan’s shoulder.

“You should have fought back,” he said wetly. “Why didn’t you fight back?”

“Never,” Ronan swore. “Never,” he promised.

Adam and Ronan stood in the darkness for an unspecified amount of time. It was enough.

When they exited, Gansey had damp hair, was in clean clothes, swathed in blankets, cradling a mug of cocoa in his hands, and flanked by Blue and Cheng. Ronan’s hands knotted themselves into fists by his sides. Adam touched the back of one of his hands. Ronan did not tell Cheng to move. He did not tell Sargent to get her hands away from Gansey. He tore away from Adam and stalked across the main room to stare out the window. He couldn’t tell what time it was by the sky, an ambiguous shade of blue and purple. He didn’t want to even look at a clock. 

“You should clean up, Ronan,” Gansey offered, aiming for his usual, accidentally authoritative voice that got people to do as he said while thinking they were doing him a favor. He missed, the upturned note of his voice making it sound like a question.  _ You should clean up, Ronan?  _

Ronan bared his teeth. Looked over his shoulder.

“I’m not leaving you again.”

Gansey nodded like he had expected that, and shifted around in his seat. He wanted to rock, Ronan knew, knocked off-kilter and desperately needing something familiar again, but Gansey was exhausted and Ronan didn’t want him to hurt himself. Abruptly, Ronan spun on his heel and replaced the cocoa in Gansey’s hands for his damp journal. Gansey cradled it against his chest almost instantly. The rest of them didn’t know how to take care of him. Ronan was entirely justified in his actions. 

The room went quiet again as Gansey recalibrated - to an extent. He needed to sleep the rest of this off - and Ronan bit down hard on one of the thicker leather bands on his wrist. The pressure helped keep him grounded. Helped him from snapping and snarling at Sargent and Cheng, even Parrish. Gansey unfurled from around his journal slightly, cleared his throat.

“We all need to rest,” he said. Exhaustion had creeped back into his voice. The bags under his eyes seemed to stand out in the twilight-dawn shadows cast in Monmouth.

“What about your family?” Blue asked hesitantly. Gansey shook his head.

“Tomorrow morning - or whatever time it is - after we sleep.”

After  _ they  _ sleep, maybe. Ronan wasn’t sleeping. Adam cleared his throat from where he was curled into an armchair. His cheek was pressed into his arm where he laid his head on his elbow. His hair, despite the leaves and shit in it, looked soft and swept across his brow. He was tired, too, exhausted. They all were. Adam held on hand, palm up, on the arm of the chair, beckoning. Ronan acquiesced, despite all instincts screaming at him that Cheng and Sargent and Gansey did not get to see him and Adam together. Adam shifted in the chair so that he was sideways in Ronan’s lap. His back was going to kill him in the morning, Ronan thought, annoyed, fond, skimming a hand across Adam’s upper back. The withering glare he turned on Cheng and Sargent dared them to say a word. Gansey was already mostly out of it. Blue gave a great jaw-cracking yawn and then twisted in her seat to reach for the lamp. There was a smaller lamp on the other side of the couch, by Henry, emitting dimmer light. They wouldn’t be in total darkness. 

Blue switched the light off. 

……….

Ronan startled full awake at once. He’d started dozing. Adam was gone. It was black as pitch outside Monmouth, black as the goop that oozed from Ronan’s face. The lamp on the floor cast monstrous shadows. Something was reaching for Gansey’s face. 

“Get away from him,” Ronan snarled, shoving to his feet and stumbling ungracefully towards Gansey. Sarget jerked her hand back, dropping Gansey’s glasses to the soft material of the couch. 

“What the hell!” she exclaimed. “I was just getting his glasses off his face, Lynch!”

Gansey woke up, then, surprised by the sudden noises. Woke up in the middle of a standoff, hours in the making, culminated to this, early in the morning, late in the night. His best friend and his girlfriend. Ronan wasn’t going to make him chose one. He wasn’t that much of an asshole. 

“What is the matter with you two,” Gansey began but Ronan cut him off.

“She shouldn’t have kissed you.”

Blue drew herself up like a snake about to strike.

“It’s not my magical forest that was being attacked,  _ Ronan. _ It wasn’t me that forced Gansey’s hand.”

Ronan aimed his finger at her. Aimed his words. Fired.

“He died because of  _ your  _ curse.”

Several things happened. Blue’s mouth dropped open and tears filled her eyes. Adam exited Ronan’s room. Cheng startled awake. Gansey mouthed Ronan’s name. And then-

“You  _ asshole _ , you absolute  _ piece of shit _ -”

Blue.

“Ronan, how could you  _ say  _ something like that?”

Adam. 

Nothing from Cheng. Nothing from Gansey. Until-

“Ronan.”

Quietly. Disappointed. When he said “Ronan” he meant “that was uncalled for and you know it.”

Ronan performed a very neat heel-toe turn and marched towards the stairs, slamming the door loudly behind him and storming down to the first level. He heard the door open again, heard Gansey’s voice very faintly say,  _ “Just leave it - Adam-” _ before the door banged shut again.

“Go away if you’re only here to lecture me,” Ronan said, putting his back to Adam. He crouched, shoving his shoulder against the wall and kicking whatever junk was in his way out of his way. 

“Well get over it because I am lecturing you and you’re going to listen - no,  _ listen! _ ” Adam snapped, cutting Ronan off before he could try to argue. He stormed over to Ronan’s side and crossed his arms. “You aren’t the only one who had to watch someone you care about  _ die! _ You don’t get to treat Blue like that! We all saw  _ you  _ almost die, Jesus Christ, Ronan!”

“I didn't ask him to die for me- Gansey should have  _ given up on me the first time _ .”

Adam’s mouth closed. Ronan tried valiantly to hide his wet eyes, but he was sure he failed. Adam knew him too well. He’d let Adam get too close. He’d let all of them get too close, but it was far too late for him to do anything about it now. Adam opened his mouth.

“I thought you didn’t want that any more.”

“What, didn’t want to die?” Ronan asked, sardonic, flippantly. He was tired of dancing around it. “Well, fuck, Parrish, neither did I, yet here we are. Who would have guessed that that sort of thing isn’t linear.”

Adam fell silent again. Ronan hoped he was done talking.

“You owe Blue an apology.”

Goddammit.

“She shouldn’t have kissed Gansey.” Ronan mumbled it into his shoulder. He was reaching the limit again. He knew he wasn’t being fair. Did that mean he could stop himself from falling back into the defense mechanisms that had served him thus far? It didn’t matter that they were self-destructive, or that he knew that, or that he avoided thinking about it. He put it back on and it fit like a second skin, or like a first skin.

“Ronan-” Adam began, voice soft, and he began to reach for Ronan.

“How many times, Adam?” Ronan burst out. It came and went in waves. It drowned him on the road and it was drowning him again. “How many times do I have to watch someone I care about die? I only just lost Mom-”

He cut himself off with a choked gasp as every tear that he had stopped since he saw his mother’s body, and every tear he had stopped after every terrible nightmare where Gansey or Adam or Noah or Blue or Declan or Matthew got ripped to shreds, and every tear he had stopped since Gansey had stood up broke the dam and came flooding out. He didn’t have the wherewithal to hate it, or to care at all. 

He was so tired. He missed his parents. He wanted to be able to  _ sleep.  _

Adam pressed next to him, wrapping a hand around Ronan’s neck and drawing him close. Ronan let him, too tired to fight it, too exhausted to care. He’d spent his whole life running from emotions, running from the terrible things that would drag him down again, never to resurface. They had finally caught up and Ronan was paying the price.

“Come back upstairs,” Adam said softly after a long moment. Ronan heaved a breath and did not lift his head. “Come back up with me. Gansey needs you. You need to apologize to Blue.”

Ronan gave a grunt of agreement and Adam stood, hauling Ronan up with him, palm pressed into the skin of Ronan’s elbow. When they entered the main room - again - nothing had changed much, though Ronan was positive they could all tell he’d been sobbing his eyes out. Adam steered him over to the couch again. Ronan resisted the urge to step on a cardboard garage.

“Shouldn’t have said that,” Ronan said quietly. He directed the words at Blue, but did not look to see if she’d received them. “Any of it.”

He didn’t know what else to say or how to say it. His throat hurt. He stared resolutely at his feet. Blue’s socked foot bumped his knee.

“You shouldn’t have,” she agreed and left it at that. It wasn’t forgiveness, but it was an acceptance and that’s all Ronan needed.

Ronan finally lifted his head and looked at Gansey from the corner of his eyes. He was already looking, hands clasped patiently in his lap. 

“I’m,” Ronan started to say but Gansey interrupted him.

“I thought you didn’t lie.”

Ronan shut his mouth. Gansey continued,

“What you did might not have been. Smart. Or kind. But you aren’t sorry for trying to protect me.”

Gansey motioned and Ronan bent closer. Gansey took Ronan’s head in his hands and pressed their foreheads together.

“You are my best friend,” Gansey said. “My very best friend. You know me probably better than anyone else here. I don’t forget that. No one else does. But you have to share me, Ronan.”

Ronan swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut. He nodded, barely. Then Gansey adjusted his grip and put his arms around Ronan’s shoulders, hugging him tightly. He knew better than to doubt Gansey. And despite poor judgment in other aspects of his life, Gansey had proven he knew what he was doing when it came to his closest friends. But Gansey was more than that. He loved Gansey like he loved Matthew. Gansey was his brother. Gansey was family. And he never abandoned his family or let anything bad happen to them. Not twice. Not ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> for the record ronan was gonna like. apologize to gansey for being over protective. thats what gansey is telling him not to apologize for, not for being mean to the rest of them. just wanted to clarify.


End file.
